BREAKING NEWS!

CHRIS "CUDDLES" GOERLITZ THREATENS (AGAIN)

TO ATTEND NMU PACKER WEEKEND.

Associated Press

KING OF PRUSSIA, PA - Chris "Cuddles" Goerlitz (blue shirt, pictured above), son of NMU Hall-of-Famer Gerry Goerlitz, has again threatened to attend the NMU Packer Weekend in Green Bay. In what has become an annual ritual, Cuddles stated. "[h]ey, I'm a public school teacher on Christmas Break; I'm a raving alcoholic; and I love me some Hank Sweeney (pictured at the far right above). Maybe I'll even get a women to lick my ear instead of Moon Man."

Chris, to quote our 43rd President and one of your personal favorites, George W. Bush, we have just one question for you: "Is our children learning?"