Wojo's Pigskin Picks:
MSU tries on big bully role for size
The Spartans just don’t get it, or stubbornly refuse
to get it. I thought the Wolverines made it pretty clear with their 12-10 romp
last year that they were issuing a “restore order” order, and this rivalry was
legally required to resume its natural course.
But the strangest thing has happened at Michigan
State, a transformation that has given our state an identity crisis. The
Spartans have the menacing defense and physical front and — dare I say? — tinge
of arrogance. The Wolverines are unsure of themselves, a bit shaky, maybe even a
tad — dare I say? — insecure.
With all the talk of bullies and brothers and beatings
and belligerence, it’s hard to tell if Michigan State is hosting Michigan
Saturday or welcoming Little Boy Blue. The Spartans (7-1) and Wolverines (6-1)
have virtually the same record, virtually the same ranking, virtually the same
waist sizes (I’m guessing), and yet Michigan State apparently is the
overwhelming favorite.
That’s fine, I suppose, if you’re into the whole
role-reversal fetish. I’m not saying Michigan State is threatening to regain
control of the state and all the perks that come with it, including unlimited
coneys. I’m just saying if Mark Dantonio were asked whether his program was
elite, I’m pretty sure he’d snap, “This is Michigan State, for God’s sakes!”
It’s quite a turn for the Spartans, winning four of
the past five meetings and poised to practically wrap up the Big Ten’s
Legionnaires division with a victory Saturday. Next thing you know, they’ll call
themselves Team 117 and start signing recruits with more than two or three
stars.
Apparently, it doesn’t matter Michigan State still has
only two gears on offense — predictable and punting. On the other side, Michigan
plays defense these days with the ferocity of Eastern Michigan, not to insult
Eastern Michigan. The Wolverines also display the lateral mobility of the Paul
Bunyan Trophy, not to insult the Bunyan family.
So we need to determine if this is the new normal, or
a mere blip. Two years ago in East Lansing, the Spartans won their fourth
straight in the rivalry, 28-14, and in the process, hit and twisted heads as if
playing with dolls. They turned a few heads, too. The punching culprit is gone
but the punchee, Taylor Lewan, is still here. And he admitted,
semi-respectfully, that Michigan got “bullied.”
This prompted social-service workers to demand passes
for Saturday’s game, in case a bullying lawsuit is necessary. The Spartans are
taking their new status seriously, to the point Dantonio admitted this week he
liked Brady Hoke, and also had an affinity for Jon Hoke. Yes, Brady is little
brother to Jon, so you figure it out.
As a beacon in this community, I’ll stand up and say
we need to suspend all the big-little-step-brother talk until we can sort it
out. Michigan State hasn’t earned permanent upper-bunk status, and after decades
of Big Brotherhood, Michigan isn’t ready yet to accept hand-me-down jocks and
mouthguards (eww). We’ll know the transformation is complete when Michigan fans
start serving Busch Light and deer meat at their tailgates, while Michigan State
folks bust out the Chardonnay and complain about stadium clock operators named
Bob.
I give the Spartans credit. They did a good job this
week pretending the Wolverines are still their biggest rival. I didn’t hear one
mention from Michigan State coaches or players about the larger significance of
beating Ohio.
Before these rivals completely change identities,
let’s revisit a couple classic jokes I just made up:
Q: How many Wolverines does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: 110,001 — one to change it and 110,000 to
reminisce how Bo would’ve motivated the bulb to change itself by famously
snarling, “The bulb, the bulb, the bulb.”
Q: How many Spartans does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Three — one to change it, one to chug a beer
and crush the bulb on his forehead, and one to argue Michigan State’s
Bulb-Changing Bachelor’s Degree is just as respected as Michigan’s.
Early in the season, Michigan riled things up by
sending a skywriting plane across the state to scrawl messages of love and hope.
We know the Wolverines are good at blowing smoke, but one plane strayed over
East Lansing and accidently wrote “Go Blue” within view of Spartan Stadium.
According to my flimsy sources, Michigan State will respond Saturday with a
slightly different skywriting message of love and hope: “Hail this, you
#%*&*$%!”
Frankly, we don’t need such vitriol. And I expect
clean, tough competition — brother helping brother off the ground, maybe even
picking up brother’s helmet after viciously yanking it off. The Spartans’
defense can be brutish, especially with Shilique Calhoun wearing that Halloween
facemask and crushing footballs as if they were pumpkins.
But the Spartans do have something to fear, and it’s
not just Arrogance Overload. It’s the same thing the Wolverines sometimes fear —
Devin Gardner. He’s Denard Robinson 2.0, capable of making all sorts of stunning
plays for either team.
Perhaps times indeed are changing. Like they always
say, there are only two seasons in Ann Arbor — basketball season and basketball
recruiting season. The Wolverines are still expected to show up Saturday (as far
as I know) and might even bring some muscles. No word on whether the
social-service counselors will ride with them.
Pick: Michigan State 20-13
From The Detroit News: http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20131101/SPORTS0204/311010033#ixzz2jPmTiNPr
From The Detroit News: http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20131101/SPORTS0204/311010033#ixzz2jPmTiNPr
No comments:
Post a Comment