5. Worst. Stadium. Ever.
Now that County Stadium is no more, I can easily say the Metrodome is the worst stadium in pro sports. It’s so bad, it annually helps make the Vikings one of the poorest franchises in the NFL. So, what are you going to do about it, Vikings fan? You’re going to go out in public and complain, demand the state finance a new stadium and make a mockery of yourself, even though your state is in major debt and faced with cutting funding for things like… education. Brilliant! You sure as hell don’t need MORE education, do you? Nope. A fifth-grade reading level is just fine for a Vikings fan.

4. You’ve never won a Super Bowl
Teams who win are given respect. Their fans are given respect. The Vikings… are 0-4 in Super Bowls. You get no fucking respect because you and your shitty team haven’t earned any. The Vikings don’t just lose in the Super Bowl, they do it spectacularly — they’ve been outscored 95-34, which is a total of 61 points. The Vikings are one of 14 NFL teams who have never won the big game, joining such prestigious franchises as the Detroit Lions, Jacksonville Jaguars, Cleveland Browns, Arizona Cardinals and Buffalo Bills. Losers…

3. You dress up like this on game day
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2. You don’t even go to the damn games
Do you know the last time a Green Bay Packers game was blacked out? No, you don’t, because it’s never happened. Do you know how long the Packers season-ticket waiting list is? Decades. On the other hand, you have the Minnesota Vikings, where anyone can buy season tickets because they’re never sold out. In fact, the Vikings couldn’t even sell out their season tickets when Favre arrived in the Twin Cities. As for blackouts, the Vikings were facing one as recently as Jan. 4, 2009 — a playoff game with the Eagles. A playoff game! After the NFL gave the team three extensions, they finally sold all the tickets to that game. Way to get behind your shit team, Minnesota.

1. You make us hate the Chicago Bears less
Twenty-five years ago I couldn’t imagine hating a team and their fans more than the Chicago Bears, but somehow, Minnesota Vikings fans, you’ve managed to pull off the impossible. You don’t know shit about the game. You have no sense of history or tradition. Your team is filled with a bunch of sheepf**ckers and child molesters. They’re among the all-time greatest choke artists. And still, you run your mouths like you know it all and the Minnesota Vikings are the greatest thing since sliced bread, you mouth-breathing fucks. For making us hate the Chicago Bears less, I say f**k you Minnesota Vikings fans.