INSTANT REPLAY PART V:

THE FOLLOWING IS A VERBATIM TRANSCRIPT OF THE MAYOR'S SCOUTING REPORT & SCRIPT FROM 1996

EDITORS NOTE: We'll be going Player by Player to get us in the mood for the 23rd Annual. Today's Featured Player from 1996 is #59 Mike Berutti pictured at right receiving a check for West Iron County Schools which he no doubt converted to his personal use . . . just kidding Wykon parents! Fellow Wildcats, if there is a picture of you on the Internet I will find it!

PACKER WEEK-END 1996

DECEMBER 20th-23rd

PACKERS vs. VIKINGS  

RG Mike Berutti aka Butz (high school), Stroker (early college), Stitch Jones (mid-to-late college), Stitch, Stick, Sticky, Yeah heeyy Sticky, the Ayathollah of Rock n Rolla, the Earl of Funk, the Duke of Cool, Beroots, the guy who often dated the same chicks as Bubba, Niecey's brother, Joanne's boy, No Show, Shunk diddle lunk dung, and Mr. Funyon.

• Scouting Report: Playing in his 6th season, Berutti is an inaugural member of the team. This is the guy who knows how to put "his hand on the line" and will once again be the best bet for ["MVD"] of the week-end [THERE IS NO HYPHEN IN "WEEKEND"!]. Mike did have a few problems in 1993 [THAT IS BLATANTLY INACCURATE, MIKE WAS AT THE ANIMAL HOUSE ON CHRISTMAS DAY 1993] with management as he refused to travel home on Sunday following the game and thus did not show for the week-end. He spent the following year on probation, but in 1994 returned with a strong performance leading the team in assists and consumption.
• Injury Report: Will become a newly married man [FIRST TIME] this July. May need some time in training room this off-season.
• Game Day Status: Probable.
• Career Highlight: Rocking Around the Christmas Tree at Vandy's Bar and Grill [IT WAS ROCKIN AROUND THE CHRISTMAS POLE WHICH IS WHAT MADE IT SO FUNNY]. A new Packer Week-End [THERE'S THAT DAMN HYPHEN AGAIN!] Tradition. Look for it again in 96.[I CAN THINK OF A FEW MORE, BUT LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT WINING THE INAUGURAL MVD, I MEAN KRALLY KUP ADN WINNING $50 THE HARD WAY ON NEW YEAR'S DAY OTHERWISE KNOWN AS "THE NAKED SANDWICH INCIDENT"]
• Career Lowlight: Being placed on probation for his lack of effort (not attending) during the 1993 season [MORE LIKE 92 BUT WHATEVER, HE'S A JACKASS EITHER WAY FOR NOT ATTENDING IN OVER 10 YEARS!]

Dear Mike, from all of us good luck ice fishing or whatever it is you're doing this year instead of hanging out with us. Tell your Mom Josie to come down and join us, she was always more fun to drink with anyway!! Love you, mean it.

NEXT MAN UP: Dahlkamania is running wild!